dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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