True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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