I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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