i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize