Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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