I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
