Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
