I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
