I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
