And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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