Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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