there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
