the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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