Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
