I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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