God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
