just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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