dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
