when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
