I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize