Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
