I'm jealous of your bromance
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
