Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
