i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
