Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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