it was like eating out sand paper
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
