so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
