Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
