we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
