I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
