I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
