Someone shit on the floor
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
