I got chris browned last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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