I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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