i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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