do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
