standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
