Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
