I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
