nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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