why didn't you poke me back
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
