party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
