if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
