I think I died a long time ago.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
