Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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