He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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