The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
