do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
