I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
