Is it because I queefed?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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