did you get engaged???
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize