dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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