I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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