remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
