am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
