i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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