how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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