ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
