so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
