Someone shit on the floor
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
