Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
