Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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