i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
