farters have to be the big spoon...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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