dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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