Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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