i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
