I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
