Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
