I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So drunk its hurt
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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