He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
