is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
