dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
