I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
