Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
