I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
