I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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