Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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