I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
