Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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