they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
ok first of all what the fuck
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize