I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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