This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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