And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
