The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Reggie can tackle my bush.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
