I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
