not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
