This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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