you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
