just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
