Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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