ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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