I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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