my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Quick, to the slutcave!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
