party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
