He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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