i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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