New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
birth control should be required to get into college
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
