The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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